Introducing Sit, Lay, Rest: The Day After's New Pet Grief Series | Sit, Lay, Rest Ep. 0

A special episode to share some exciting news with you! The Day After Co-Host, CJ Infantino, is joined by a fresh yet familiar voice—Liz Egler. In today's episode, we delve into exciting news about our fan-favorite pet grief series, which is now evolving into a full-time series, Sit, Lay, Rest, dedicated to exploring the complex emotions surrounding the loss of our dear pets.

You'll get to know Liz, our new co-host, as she shares her heartfelt connection to the topic and her passion for helping others navigate their grief. From her experiences with her own pets to her therapeutic horseback riding adventures, Liz opens up about her journey and the importance of community in healing.

CJ and Liz also dive into the therapeutic power of horses, the challenges of memory and grief, and the surprising ways in which documenting our loved ones can offer solace. This episode is a poignant blend of personal stories, insightful reflections, and a sneak peek into the enriching conversations you can expect in future episodes.

Tune in and join us as we embark on this emotional yet uplifting journey to honor the love and memories we share with our beloved pets.

The first episode of Sit, Lay, Rest will be live tomorrow, February 6th! Subscribe today so you don't miss it.

In the meantime, listen back to Liz's episode from our pet grief series last season.

Transcript

CJ: 0:15

So obviously it's just me and I have somebody new here today, which might not be new. If you've listened to our past episodes, well, we have Liz here with us today for a very, very, very exciting special show. And what we are doing, because we have had such a good response for the Pet Grief series that we ran, we are going to make this a full time show. So we reached out to Liz, Ashley and I, and asked if she would like to be a part of this, and she very willingly accepted. And I just want to kind of intro the show, talk about what we're planning on doing, and then maybe for folks who maybe don't know, maybe just talk a little bit about you, Liz, and what makes you feel so passionate and excited about this, and also go listen to her episode that we released I'll put that in the show notes, and yeah, so let's just, Let's start this off with like, Liz, who are you and what made you want to say yes to come and do this show? Yeah, who

Liz: 1:17

am I? Good question CJ. No, thank you. I'm so happy to be doing this and like I said to Ashley separately, I feel really honored that you all asked me to get involved because this is so close to my heart. And grief and talking about grief generally but also Uh, especially when it comes to pet loss because of what I have experienced this year, but also I think a topic that is important for many of us that maybe we have not talked about enough in the past. So yeah, Liz Eggler I live in North Carolina and I have a wonderful family here. And in New Jersey my husband's family is in New Jersey. And yeah, I have a wonderful husband whose name was Michael and a three, almost three year old daughter named Vera. And I am an animal lover, always have been. When I was little, I wanted to be a vet. I grew up with dogs and cats I started horseback riding when I was really young and jumping horses. And that was like one of my passions. And very recently, actually. Maybe spurred on by what I've been experiencing with the pandemic. My, the loss of my dog was I started riding again not enough, but like, I'm doing it again and like getting back into it. And have found that being around horses again is just like kind of the therapy I need right now. So yeah, that's, that's me. Love animals. I'm also beach bum. So, but really anything outside, you know, you get me outside, I'm happy. And yeah, I'm here to kind of open up everyone's hearts and, uh, minds to talking a little bit more about the loss of our pets, who are our family members and in some cases, That's all we have and so when they leave us it can leave a big gaping hole. And for me, honestly, you know, I have family and friends who I could talk to, but I was never exposed to kind of another community before that. You know, there were others who, who understood kind of the pain that I was dealing with and could listen to me and provide empathy and then also, you know, recommend other outlets and other ways to work through it. So here to hear other stories and grow and learn from their experiences and also share mine. And yeah, really. Really excited to to meet some more people and CJ and Ashley have been fantastic and I'm really happy to be here

CJ: 3:57

Yeah, so if I can excited and I think it's gonna be really amazing to see kind of your evolution of your grief As you begin talking more and more with people like it's been and I think you I mean you just said it is like that Learning experience and it's been such a learning experience for me talking to people about their grief and As I've like literally been in mine and healing from it. And I think there's just something beautiful about that. And I'm so glad that Ashley, she was really the catalyst for us to do this pet series. And like I said, it has been such a huge response. Not only of the shows that we published, but. But also people being like they want more and just so, so, so, so fucking happy that this has worked out and that we're going to be able to offer that to people and I think it's going to be, I think it's going to be amazing. So we will be releasing shows consistently as we get this ramping up and we will have them dedicated to, to just pet grief. Now you were talking about horses because the men's retreat that I did a few years back, it was all somatic based, but one of the leaders, he lives out in Colorado, I believe, but he does equine therapy, right? Is that what it's called? Equine horse therapy?

Liz: 5:15

Yeah. And I've seen that

CJ: 5:16

multiple times. Like, I don't know what it is about horses. If it's their ability to feel our emotions, or what?

Liz: 5:25

Why don't they say that it's something about how we have evolved with them? So like if you look back in the history of time, of like the relationship of humans and horses there is something intuitive about how we communicate, how we work together. And then there's also something very calming about how horses are their emotions are strong, but more simple than humans. And so they're able to like bring our nervous systems down to baseline when we're elevated. But I know that there's, it's, it's more than that. I know that there's more there's a lot of therapy for autistic children specifically with children, with horses. And so there, I have always found. That being around horses is very peaceful especially when I get on a horse and go riding, there's just some, it just totally changes my mood. And it might be that I, I escape everything else and I'm just focused on riding the horse and being with this other creature, but there's so much to it. And I'm sure actually maybe some folks that will reach through this podcast will be horse people, not just equestrians, but people who grew up around horses, people who, because I know that that is a lifestyle and there's good cause for, for people who ride horses and love horses to probably experience the emotional turmoil of losing one of which I know that's very real. So yeah, I encourage horse. Fans to join us too, because yeah, it's extremely powerful, the relationship we have with them.

CJ: 7:10

Yeah. Wow, I didn't even know that or realize it. Every time I have a chance to ride a horse, I do.

Liz: 7:17

That's great.

CJ: 7:17

I can't really go above a trot. I've tried. And I can't get the timing right. It's so hard.

Liz: 7:23

It is hard. It takes practice.

CJ: 7:25

It does. Like it's mind boggling, but we did. My wife and I, we were in Scotland and we rode horses through the Highlands.

Liz: 7:33

Oh gosh. I can't imagine how beautiful that is. Oh, it was

CJ: 7:36

unbelievable. It was so peaceful. Not only the scenery, but like you said, being on the horse. And just, it's indescribable. Yeah, I was like so glad we got to have that.

Liz: 7:49

Yeah, it's a different perspective. That's amazing. I'm glad you have that experience with your wife.

CJ: 7:55

Yeah, I think that was our last big trip before she died, was the UK.

Liz: 8:01

So it's very, probably very vivid. Or has it kind of, have your memories, like especially your most recent memories with her? Did some of them get, like, clouded over the, the first, you know, few months and years that you were dealing with grief, or have they, like, become more vivid?

CJ: 8:20

That's a good question. I think the, the memories are there, but It's I no longer can hear her voice.

Liz: 8:32

Oh

CJ: 8:32

gosh, and I can no longer Remember what her touch felt like I'm like our interaction So like watching videos becomes it's like awesome to see what we were But it feels like somebody else In, in a lot of instances, and I think that's where that pain still exists. But then knowing, so like when I, once she got diagnosed, I documented all the time, videos, photos, I was like in her face, in our family's face. And I'm so glad I did because like, so last night my, my kids and I were actually looking at old videos. I showed them of her and I in Japan and Korea. It's so nice to have those, but yeah, it just, it feels foreign to me of like, oh, like, that's what her voice sounded like. Oh, gosh. That was so hard when you first realized like, oh, I don't remember. Yeah. You can't remember her laugh, and it was so infectious. And it doesn't have that same effect on you anymore, you know, it's completely changed.

Liz: 9:42

It's insane what time can do, but it's so great that you documented so much of it so you can go back to it. Don't you? It's so funny. I'm reading a book right now about witches cause I love witches, but it within it, they they do memory. They do. Witches can do these memory bottles where they, they put things into this bottle and like they seal them. And then if you release the memory, not, not only do you like see it, but like you are in it and you can feel it again, like you smell the smells and like you relive the actual memory and if you can package it back up and seal it properly, you can save it again to access it again later. But anyway, it's just, I, I wish we could do that. Like, even if it were just with. The smell.

CJ: 10:29

Yeah.

Liz: 10:30

Right? Because smell is such a strong sense for us, and especially of like a person that you love so much. Like my dog. Ugh. If I could bottle up her smell, just to like release every once in a while when I'm feeling like I'm going through something, wouldn't that be so lovely? Like can we work on inventing that? I know, right?

CJ: 10:52

Just hold it in. Memory bottles. Yeah, I wondered, there was a show upload on Amazon Prime and there, the premise of that, it's I think it's Mike Schur who did a bunch of other, like, really good shows. I think he did The Good Place. So he always, like, the way he writes and showruns, and I hope I got it right. Where he's taking these big life questions, and then he builds a, he builds a comedy around them, but so it's so accessible, but Upload is about uploading your conscious, so we've been able to upload our conscious to these virtual realities, and then you can still interact with people who are still living, and then the whole show is about that process, but one of them, when you're in, when you're in this virtual world and you're dead, is you can relive your memories, and they just like, Plug in and you just have a controller and you're just scrolling through your memories like you would on a phone, like a photos app.

Liz: 11:46

What a cool idea. Yeah.

CJ: 11:48

It's super interesting. But I wonder if we could relive them, could we ever process and heal from our grief or would we be stuck?

Liz: 11:58

I don't know. I just got goosebumps when you said that. You know, I don't, I think in some cases, like obviously in this book I'm reading, sometimes I think we write like the ideal situation, but I think being able to go back and look at things helps you understand them better and maybe give our, like, ourselves a little bit of grace. Like, I was just listening to another podcast earlier today, actually. It's called Move With Heart Podcast. It's Melissa Wood Tepperberg, and she was interviewing this lady, Anne Marks. And Anne was talking about how both her parents passed. Not too long apart and at the same time she was going through a divorce and her aunt died and she has been able to look at things retrospectively and like give guidance to her friends to be like, look, we all have traumas from our parents and we have a hard time while we're growing up giving our parents credit for like what they might be going through. But when she said, like, having lost both my parents and going through this divorce, I was able to see that like, for example, her mom was a single mom and like raising three kids and trying to make it work and like, so wasn't the best mom because she couldn't be present. She's like, I was such an ass to my mom when I was a kid. But that's because I didn't know to, like, give her that grace. But now, retrospectively, I wish I could go back and be like, thank you. Right. I love you. Like, I understand you were going through a hard time. I just didn't get that as a kid. So I do, I think maybe if we could go back to some things that might help us, I don't know if it would help us grieve better, but it might help us, like, understand things about our relationships more. It might help us grow a little bit. Yeah. I'm sure for some people it could set you back. Yeah. But I think, like, I, when I talked about losing Isabel, my dog, on on the, on your episode, I, you know, I still struggle with, like, putting guilt on myself for things I did towards the end or, like, didn't do enough of. You know, I do think that's something that over time, you know, if I could go back and see all the positive things that I did, that might help me, like, lessen up my guilt trips on myself.

CJ: 14:33

Yeah. It's hard. It's hard not to feel guilty. I mean, I still, to this day, do that with, with Ariana, and it's The problem too, is our memory is flawed. We know this, like, there has been so many studies where we literally just do not remember events as they were. It's always clouded by time and our experiences and how we feel about the situation. And I wonder if we had an accurate record. Now we could, we could journal. We can take video, we can see the accurate representation, but that's only a small piece. But if we had an accurate record of our past, I just wonder if it would be so much harder because we would, our brains are constantly trying to make us the protagonist of the story. And I think a lot of dysfunction in our mental health comes when we can't see ourselves as the protagonist. Or we are like overly, like, you know, in a narcissistic way, like we are the fucking best and never make mistakes. But when we have a healthy relationship to that story, I think that's when we live in the best way possible for those around us and for ourselves. Mm hmm. And when we can go back and remember our past and those mistakes and those guilts, I think it's when we can learn to forgive ourselves is when we then become that protagonist again. And we see, now we see ourselves in this cycle of the hero's journey. Where we have learned what we needed to learn, but only, but then also went a step further and we have found forgiveness. And like that's, I'm in this cycle of, okay, I learned the lessons. I know the lessons now for some of these areas in my life. And I feel them. They are, they are in my body. Now I have to forgive myself for making those mistakes. Mm hmm. And then once you do that, it's like, then your story is right again. Yep. And it's like, maybe this flawed memory is our brain's way of protecting us.

Liz: 16:38

Mm hmm.

CJ: 16:39

You know? I think

Liz: 16:39

so. Yeah. And then we just. You know, you can't change the past, so working through it today, talking with other people who have experienced something similar I do find journaling helps me a little bit, but I know it's not for everyone but I, I agree. I think, I think being able to go back and forgive ourselves.

CJ: 17:03

Yeah.

Liz: 17:04

Not in a way of like trying to be a perfectionist or to glorify our actions in any way, but just to like, look, I'm human. Yeah. Let's, let's humanize this existence a little bit. And I, I, I genuinely think that, that helps. And this has helped me so much in listening to other people's stories and talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. That makes such a difference.

CJ: 17:29

It does. And that's what we're hoping to do. Yeah. Or it's what we will do. Yes. And if it's not clear, I don't even know if I said it, but you will be the host of this show. I think Ashley and I will be coming in and out every once in a while, but yeah, so you are going to be the showrunner as it is, and I am so looking forward to it. But yeah, so everybody be on the lookout for it and be ready for it. It's going to be fucking awesome. And thank you again. I'm so glad to have you on the team and, and to crush this with you. Me too.

Liz: 18:01

I'm looking excited. I'm really looking forward to talking to everyone. And living through their lives with their, their animals and their pets and beyond. I do, I, I find joy in talking about other people's animals and seeing pictures and hearing those stories. So it'll be really, really nice to, to get going.